Let's Talk

===><== [<img src="https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNHRyNmdxcGNkOXMyanVvNnhvcnVwbmk2MHQxeXRlMjZreTA3cTc0dSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/JXHhI4o9NCf8k/giphy.gif" alt="waterflow">] (align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXXXXXXX=")[(text-colour:navy)[Welcome]! ] (align:"=><=")+(box:"=XXXXXXXX=")[This is, "(text-colour:green)[Let's Talk]"! Try your //best//, [[okay]]?...]

Your phone is (text-style:"rumble")[ringing]. It's your [[dad]] (text-colour:green)[[Pick it up.]] (text-colour:red)[[Let it go to voicemail.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

You //lay// in bed and stir. (text-colour:green)[[Call him back]] (text-colour:green)[[You go to bed]]

Oh, well, yes. Sorry. (text-style:"italic")[No, it's okay. Nevermind.] How's school been? //It's been okay.// How's work been? (text-colour:green)[[Is anything new going on with you?]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

(text-style:"italic")[Hey, dad. Sorry I missed your call.] Assalamualaikum sweetie, it is okay. (text-style:"italic")[What did you want to talk about?] I just wanted to say happy birthday (text-colour:green)[[Dad, my birthday was three weeks ago.]] (text-colour:green)[[Oh, okay thanks.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

You dream of a different life. One without an unpleasant father. You toss and turn. It's hard to imagine something you never had. You blend Phil Dumphy and Hal Wilkerson together. You slap your dad's face on the hybrid. [[One year later.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNHRyNmdxcGNkOXMyanVvNnhvcnVwbmk2MHQxeXRlMjZreTA3cTc0dSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/JXHhI4o9NCf8k/giphy.gif" alt="waterflow">]

There's no (text-style:"flat")[reason] for him to be calling. There's[[ nothing]] to talk about. (text-colour:green)[[Call him back]] (text-colour:green)[[Go to sleep]]

Of course, sweetie. Why don't you pick up my calls? I've been calling. (text-style:"italic")[Uh- I've just been busy dad. Ya know...college and work.] I get it, I get it. You should download whatsapp, then we talk easier. (text-style:"italic")[How've you been?] I've been okay. How are you? (text-colour:green)[[I'm fine.]] (text-colour:green)[[Get to the point Dad.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

[[I care.]] (text-style:"italic")[Well I'm just fine.] Okay. (text-colour:green)[[...]] (text-colour:green)[[So, I'm going to go get some food now.]]

(text-style:"bold")[Oh], did I call at a bad time? (text-style:"italic")[No-I mean, yea kind of. I'm headed to dinner with some friends.] Okay, sweetie. Enjoy. (text-colour:green)[[Haafiz, Baba]] (text-colour:green)[[Bye, dad.]] (align:"===><==")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

Well, I'm going to go. Bye, sweetie. (text-style:"italic")[Yea, I gotta go too.] Love you. (text-style:"italic")[Love you too.] (text-colour:green)[[Bye, dad.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

Haafiz, sweetie. I (text-colour:red)[love] you. //Sorry that I have to go, but I love you too.// (text-colour:green)[[Go to sleep]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

You hang up, and put your phone on the (text-style:"emboss")[charger]. (text-colour:green)[[You go to bed]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNHRyNmdxcGNkOXMyanVvNnhvcnVwbmk2MHQxeXRlMjZreTA3cTc0dSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/JXHhI4o9NCf8k/giphy.gif" alt="waterflow">]

You sleep and dream about a pleasant conversation with your unpleasant (text-colour:red)[father]. [[One year later.]]

(text-style:"italic")[Hey, Dad. ] Assalamualaikum [[sweetie]]. (text-style:"italic")[Alaikum salam. ] I was uh- just calling to say happy birthday. (text-colour:green)[[Dad, my birthday was three weeks ago.]] (text-colour:green)[[Oh, okay thanks.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

The phone stops (text-style:"shudder")[buzzing] and you recieve a voicemail. You go about your day. (text-colour:green)[[Feel guilty for not picking up or calling back]] (text-colour:green)[[Ruminate on why he doesn't deserve a conversation]]

(align:"=><=")[''You'd never be that direct with him. Chillllllll. Try again.'' (text-colour:green)[[OOPS ->Oh, okay thanks.]]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

That's good to hear. (text-style:"italic")[...] Your grades? (text-style:"italic")[A's and B's.] Great. (text-colour:green)[[Why?]] (text-colour:green)[[Oh-Okay Dad...I'm going to go.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="g">]

You feel //okay// about the conversation. But it always goes like this. (text-colour:red)[He] calls to talk about nothing. I just don't get it... (text-colour:green)[[Go to sleep]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

Ahh, the same. My (text-colour:red)[heart] keeps taking me to the hospital. //Oh, like another?// Yea this will be my third (text-colour:red)[attack]. //I'm sorry dad. I'm sure things will work out.// Inshallah beta. (text-colour:green)[[It's weird, I haven't seen your face for so long. Like so long.]] (text-colour:green)[[I was wondering if we'd see each other soon?]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

Probably. We will figure it out. //Okay.// Well, I'm going to bed its midnight here. Love you. //Love you too.// [[Bye, dad.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/telephone-3594206_1280.jpg">]

Yes, but you are 18 now. You can come see me. (text-style:"italic")[I don't have a car or a license yet. ] Get them, then [[come visit.]] I miss you. [[You know, you can visit me too?]] [[Oh-Okay Dad...I'm going to go.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="">]

(align:"=><=")[(text-style:"expand")[Too] agressive. (text-colour:red)[He] won't respond well to you being direct. Try again. (text-colour:green)[[Is anything new going on with you?]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="">]]

Okay, sweetie. Love you. (text-style:"italic")[Love you too.] Pick-up my calls please sweetie. (text-colour:green)[[Haafiz, Baba.]] (text-colour:green)[[Bye, dad.]]

Your (text-colour:orange)[brother] (text-style:"shudder")[shakes] you awake. (text-colour:orange)["]You gotta skip class, (text-colour:red)[dad's] in the hospital(text-colour:orange)["] [[Oh..okay]] [[What is it this time?]]

Your (text-colour:orange)[brother] leaves the room. You get up. [[Go get dressed and drive to the hospital.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-921034_1280.jpg">]]

[(align:"=><=")[[Past the cafeteria, the gift shop, and into the intensive care unit.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-921034_1280.jpg">]]

(align:"=><=")[Your (text-colour:orange)[brother] walks ahead of you and sees the room number. (text-colour:orange)[He] walks in and [[you follow him.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-921034_1280.jpg">]]]

(text-colour:orange)[Brother] gently (text-style:"fade-in-out")[taps] your dad's shoulder. Your (text-colour:red)[dad] wakes up excitedly. //Hey, you're here.// You all share a hug. It's kind of (text-style:"sway")[nice]. [[How are you feeling?]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

You take a seat on the bench next to your (text-colour:red)[dad's] bed. (text-colour:red)[He] looks so peaceful. [[Ten minutes pass]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

(text-colour:orange)["]His kidney is doing something..weird? I-I don't really remember what Kazim said.(text-colour:orange)["] Kazim's there? (text-colour:orange)["]He's leaving now but...(text-colour:orange)["] (text-colour:green)[[Go get dressed and drive to the hospital.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-921034_1280.jpg">]]

You and your brother walk into the (text-colour:cyan)[hospital]. He ask's the receptionist for your (text-colour:red)[dad's] room number. [[You walk through the entry way.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-921034_1280.jpg">]]

//Much ''better'' now that you're both here// (text-colour:orange)["]That's good. (text-colour:orange)["] //Yea, yea. How is school Fizza?// It's okay (text-colour:red)[dad], all (text-colour:green)[A's]. //Good, good. How is work for both of you?// (text-colour:orange)["]Decent, I'm still working at Lena's. The money is decent.(text-colour:orange)["] [[Get away from the small talk, ask him a real question]] [[Continue the small talk-Work is good, my boss is really annoying me though.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

Your dad is asleep. (text-colour:orange)[Your brother] turns to you and asks if you want to [[wake him up?]] [[let him rest?]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

A nurse walks in to give him medication. She wakes him up with a tap and pillow adjustment. (text-colour:red)[He] looks over at you two. //Hey, you're here// (text-colour:red)[He] takes (text-colour:red)[his] medication and the nurse leaves the room. You all share a (text-style:"sway")[hug]. It's kind of nice.. [[How are you feeling?]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

Hey dad? //Yes sweetie?// Kazim had said something about your kidneys? (text-colour:orange)["]Kidney....just one(text-colour:orange)["] //Yes, the doctor told him I may need to go on Dialysis// Oh..Oh yea. I forgot. Wait, how did that happen again? //I don't remember ever telling you that story but I can.// Yea I think (text-colour:orange)[he] told me a while ago but I don't remeber //Oh...Well. [[So.]]// (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

Oh? Yea...he just behaves really inappropriately. Like he talks behind everyone's back, makes comments about people's bodies, and is kind of racist. (text-colour:orange)["]She told me that he called her lazy, and you're a lot of things but you're not lazy.(text-colour:orange)["] You all [[giggle.]] //I once had a really "annoying" boss.// (text-colour:orange)[ "]Tell us more(text-colour:orange)["] //He was not annoying the whole time he was my boss. He just said something rude about your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] once// What did he say? (text-colour:orange)[ "]Yea, what could he have possibly said about (text-colour:magenta)[mom]?(text-colour:orange)["] //[[Well...]]// (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

(align:"=><=")[Your relationship with (text-colour:red)[him] is (text-style:"expand")[strained]. You try to give (text-colour:red)[him] grace, but everytime you try, (text-colour:red)[he] gives you a reason to stop. [[Atleast you're trying? ->okay]] ] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

(align:"=><=")[Whenever you talk it's just, //"How is school?" "How is work?" "I miss you sweetie." "Okay, Bye." // That's all it ever is...You guys talk about nothing... It's not like you dont' want to talk to (text-colour:red)[him]. Last time you tried (text-colour:red)[he] just said (text-colour:red)[he] hated your tattoos and that you needed to be more modest. (text-colour:red)[He] doesn't like the person you are becoming. (text-colour:red)[He] doesn't even really know the person you're becoming. It's like (text-colour:red)[he] is trying to push you away and then (text-colour:red)[he] calls to complain about how distant you are. [[What is wrong with him? ->Ruminate on why he doesn't deserve a conversation]] ] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

(align:"=><=")[(text-colour:navy)[Bullshiiiiit]. You know that's (text-colour:navy)[bullshit]. (text-colour:red)[He] doesn't even think you should be going to college! (text-colour:red)[He's] is only asking beacuse (text-colour:red)[he] wants to be able to say that "(text-colour:red)[he] cares" If (text-colour:red)[he] //cared// (text-colour:red)[he] would've been around. (text-colour:red)[Atleast around for ''one'' [[birthday.->Why?]]] ]

(align:"=><=")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXX===")[You wouldn't find out until later, but (text-colour:red)[he] only called sweetie because he hated your name. Your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] never told you. (text-colour:magenta)[She's] the one who picked it. (text-colour:red)[You like your [[name.->Pick it up.]] ]]

(align:"=><=")[(text-style:"sway")[//Your Uncle Nazakid was bothered by a group of robbers in our village.//] Your (text-colour:orange)[brother] and you nod. (text-style:"sway")[//He never told me why they were bothering him, but they were telling other people in our village that they were going to kill my brother and then our family.//] ''Woah. '' (text-style:"sway")[//One day the guy tried walking into our house and (text-colour:red)[I] pushed him back. He got a little too close and (text-style:"blur")[stabbed] (text-colour:red)[me].//] Ohhh like in the kidney? (text-style:"sway")[//Yes, there was nothing the doctors could do for (text-colour:red)[me] and-// ] You only need one anyway. //Your (text-colour:red)[dad] nods.// (text-colour:orange)["]Uh, I think you're forgetting a part of the story (text-colour:red)[dad].(text-colour:orange)["] (text-style:"sway")[//Oh. Yes. After he stabbed me...I ran for a gun and shot him in the chest.//] In between a fake cough,(text-colour:orange)["]Killed him(text-colour:orange)["] //He was trying to kill my family.// No judgment here, I just didn't know (text-colour:red)[you] were [[like]] that. (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]] ]

(align:"=><=")[Interacting with your dad is much easier when one of your siblings is around. Without any buffer between your dad and you...Things just get really quiet. Once "How's _____" is over, we have nothing to talk about. You wish you felt comfortable enough with your dad to be direct with him, but you understand it isn't just on you. You both share responsibility. Things are like this because you both let them be like this. [[Atleast that's what you tell yourself.->Continue the small talk-Work is good, my boss is really annoying me though.]] (align:"===><==")[<img src="https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNHRyNmdxcGNkOXMyanVvNnhvcnVwbmk2MHQxeXRlMjZreTA3cTc0dSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/JXHhI4o9NCf8k/giphy.gif" alt="waterflow">]]

Your dad has told you to "come visit" since you were ''10''. You understand he misses you, but he is a grown man. He has a license, a car, and income. You've never explicitly told (text-colour:red)[him] this bothers you, but shouldn't (text-colour:red)[he] know? (text-colour:red)[[[This guy is crazy.->It's weird, I haven't seen your face for so long. Like so long.]]]

//Like what?// That protective I guess? (text-colour:navy)[//Yes, I am very protective. [[I love my family very much, I'd do anything]].//] (text-style:"smear")[A silence covers the room. ] A (text-colour:cyan)[nurse] enters the room, (text-colour:cyan)["]Hi, sorry to interupt! We need to get Aman prepped for surgery. If you'd like to stay in the room you're welcome to with his permission of course.(text-colour:cyan)["] (text-colour:orange)[ "]We should probably head out anyway, I've got work.(text-colour:orange)["] Yea. It was nice talking to you (text-colour:red)[dad]. //I love you sweeties. Call me more.// [[You two leave the room.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/hospital-ward-1338584_1920.jpg">]]

-1 (text-colour:navy)[Bullshit]. -2 He must be pretty selective. -3 Is he stupid? Why say some shit like this to your two most neglected kids. [[This guy is such an oddball->So.]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

//(text-style:"sway")[Your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] and (text-colour:red)[I] got married pretty fast. ]// You and your (text-colour:orange)[brother] nod. (text-style:"sway")[//I didn't have a driver's license so she would drop me off at work and then go to whichever school she taught at back then.//] (text-colour:orange)["]I think she told me it was Foundation?(text-colour:orange)["] (text-style:"sway")[//Yea, that sounds sort of familiar?// ] Okay, okay. Continue... (text-style:"sway")[//Well one day my boss saw your mom dropping me off and made some comment about how I didn't need to marry (text-colour:yellow)["]that(text-colour:yellow)["] for a green card.//] I'm sorry what? (text-style:"sway")[//I was a very hard worker, my boss respected me and I liked him because of that. But in that moment I pushed him against the wall and told him to never speak about my wife again.//] I loved my job but I [[loved]] your mom even more. (text-style:"smear")[A silence covers the room. ] Your (text-colour:orange)[brother] and you share a knowing side eye. A (text-colour:cyan)[nurse] enters the room, (text-colour:cyan)["]Hi, sorry to interupt! We need to get Aman prepped for surgery. If you'd like to stay in the room you're welcome to with his permission of course.(text-colour:cyan)["] (text-colour:orange)[ "]We should probably head out anyway, I've got work.(text-colour:orange)["] Yea. It was nice talking to you (text-colour:red)[dad]. //I love you sweeties. Call me more.// [[You two leave the room]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

You two chat briefly about your (text-colour:red)[dad]'s crazy story. Once you are in the car on the way home, you realize that was the longest conversation you've had with your (text-colour:red)[father]. You've never felt so close to your (text-colour:red)[dad], and all you talked about was (text-colour:red)[him] killing a man. Weird. [[Almost a year later]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

(align:"=><=")[(text-colour:red)[It doesn't feel fair. ] You thought maybe you'd have more time. (text-colour:red)[More time to fix things. ] (text-colour:green)[Why didn't (text-colour:red)[he] try harder?] (text-colour:red)[Why didn't (text-colour:green)[you]?] (text-colour:green)[Think, think.] (text-colour:red)[You could've called more. ] (text-colour:green)[You called when you could. ] (text-colour:red)[You could've tried asking more questions? ] (text-colour:green)[He only talked when he wanted to, you know that. ] (text-colour:red)[When did you stop trying?] (text-colour:blue)[When you saw a father dancing with his daughter. When you constantly saw your mom's handwriting on birthday cards. When you thought of who may walk you down the aisle. When you told friends you didn't know how to swim or ride a bike. When your mom told you he didn't want to see you for the first six months of your life. When you realized he was the adult and you were a child. When you sat and wondered... What does a daughter owe a father? And what does a father owe his daughter?] You tried your best. That's all he could ask of you. (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]] ] Unless you wanna...[[Try Again?->Let's Talk]]

(align:"=><=")[Your (text-colour:red)[father] was pretty terrible to your (text-colour:magenta)[mom]. (text-colour:magenta)[She] passed away a few years ago. Your brother and you prefered her heavily. [[Dad's all you got left?->Well...]]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]

You two chat briefly about your (text-colour:red)[dad]'s crazy story. Once you are in the car on the way home, you realize that was the longest conversation you've had with your (text-colour:red)[father]. You've never felt so close to your (text-colour:red)[dad], and all you talked about was (text-colour:red)[him] doing the bare minimum for your (text-colour:magenta)[mother]. Weird. [[Almost a year later]] (align:"=><=")[[<img src="https://mahablast.neocities.org/background-1524526.png" alt="waterflow">]]